Parent of a Deaf Child (PODC)

PODC, a common shorthand in the Deaf community standing for Parent of a Deaf Child/Children, is a unique role, unlike any other. According to the National Institute on Deafness and Other Communication Disorders, “More than 90% of deaf children are born to hearing parents.” Not every parent of Deaf children has prior experience or exposure to Deaf culture or ASL, and not every Deaf child is born to a Deaf parent. A PODC is often faced with decisions for their families unique from that of an entirely hearing or an entirely Deaf family. 

How they will approach communication access in the home, education, advocacy, hearing assistance, and more all shape the development of the children and are important considerations to take. This beautiful role as PODC postures parents to not only love and support their children, but to champion a pursuit of access and inclusion for their child. Rebecca, parent to two Deaf children, opens up about her experiences as a PODC this Mother’s Day. Sharing the triumphs, difficulties, and unique personal expressions of her children, Rebecca illuminates the joys to be found as a parent of Deaf children.  

 Early Discovery and Diagnosis  

A mother to both hearing and Deaf children, Rebecca shares, “Both of our Deaf children are adopted, so we learned they were both born Deaf during the adoption process and before each one joined our family. Our son Joshua was three –years old when he joined our family, and prior to that, both children had almost no exposure to sign language or hearing technology.” 

We asked Rebecca about her own experience with Deaf culture and ASL prior to the adoptions of her children. She reflected on her time as a graduate student of Boston University in the 90s sharing, “I had the opportunity to study ASL under groundbreaking Deaf professors and with Deaf classmates. I also worshiped at a church with a large Deaf ministry. Immersing myself in Deaf community felt like traveling to another country because I was experiencing a brand-new culture. At the same time, my experiences in Deaf community felt like being right at home as I made beautiful friendships and experienced the joy of a shared humanity across cultural lines.” Rebecca looked back on what supported her through this experience stating, “Immersion in an ASL rich environment with kind Deaf people who were patient with my emerging ASL — that was the best resource and so helpful. Deaf community gave me the greatest gift, a foundation in a language that would be the first language of two of my future children.” 

 Communication and Language  

While every family takes a different approach to communication and language access, Rebecca and her husband developed a philosophy best described as “total communication approach.” She shares, “We didn’t want to force hearing technology, speech therapy, or even sign language on our children, but we wanted them to have full access to visual language — American Sign Language — and to every other resource imaginable. We decided we would offer our children whatever we could and look to them for guidance in knowing what worked best.” 

This approach equipped their children with access to choice of what suited them each best, “Our son has embraced hearing technologies, beginning with his hearing aids, and eventually asking to transition to bilateral cochlear implants. He uses an ASL interpreter for full access to receptive language at school and in most activities, and he expresses himself with speech in hearing circles and with ASL in Deaf circles. Our daughter has hearing aids, but she often opts not to use them and does not want to pursue cochlear implants. She prefers to communicate fully in ASL and requires interpreters to communicate with hearing people who do not know sign language.” 

As for other hearing members of the family, their collective approach to ASL also needed pursuing.  
Rebecca elaborates, “Although I had a foundation in ASL from my courses at Boston University, 15 years passed before we adopted our son. I needed a refresher, and the rest of our family needed to learn. We had a strong desire to improve our ASL. We were willing to make time and even pay, but it was challenging to find classes in person or online. After we adopted our son, we were thankful that his school offered weekly classes for family members — but the classes didn’t last long and most of the material covered was review. We had to seek out experiences of immersion in Deaf community to grow our language skills.” 

Education and Advocacy  

Rebecca dove into their approach to education for Joshua and Elizabeth explaining the options available as,  

1. “Enroll the children into home districts through a combination of special education and mainstreamed education with ASL interpretation. 

2. Open enroll them in a Deaf Ed program in the local Public School District, a program with a total communication philosophy, using both American Sign Language and printed/spoken English.  

3. Send them to our state School for the Deaf, two hours away from our home, where we would only see them on weekends.” 

Faced with these choices, Rebecca shared their journey forward stating, “With their history of adoption and years missed as a family, we wanted Joshua and Elizabeth to live at home — and they wanted that too. Both Joshua and Elizabeth began in a local school district’s Deaf Ed program, Joshua in preschool and Elizabeth in fourth grade.” 

Rebecca continued, “By the time Joshua was in 2nd grade, he had advanced beyond the curriculum taught in Deaf Ed, except for reading, and as a result spent most of his days in mainstream classes with an interpreter. He had fluency in ASL, learned how to work well with an interpreter, and his learning to read had turned into reading to learn. We decided to enroll him in our home district with a full-time interpreter. This saved him an hour of commuting time every day and it saved more than two hours a day of total driving time. The move also put Joshua in closer proximity to neighbors and community members to foster friendships. Elizabeth has continued in the Deaf Ed program and is finishing up 8th grade this spring. We’re thankful the program gives her access to Deaf peers and Deaf adult staff members and that most of her instruction is delivered in ASL or offered through certified ASL interpreters.” 

We asked Rebecca how she viewed her role in her children’s education and advocacy journey. She responded sharing, “Early on, we did all of the advocating, but over time we have shifted to more supporting roles. Self-advocacy was written into both of our children’s IEPs and later our son Joshua’s 504 plan. We tried to teach self-advocacy at home and appreciated the partnership with teachers. Over the years, advocating has meant everything from requiring direct and fluent ASL instruction, certified ASL interpretation, and captions to asking for preferred seating or the freedom to remove hearing technology when it becomes a distraction.” 

Reflecting on their entire journey Rebecca shares, “I’m so proud of both of my kids, so grateful for how well they have shared their gifts with the people around them. Joshua will graduate this spring in the top 15% percent of his class. His FIRST Tech Challenge robotics team won third place in the state competition and the opportunity to compete in the FIRST World Championship in Houston. Joshua is a talented saxophone player, rock wall climber, and an avid reader.  

Elizabeth’s language and literacy growth astound me when I think that she began learning at almost ten years old what most people begin learning as infants. She’s a brilliant artist, whose anime sketches reveal her imagination, sense of humor, and depth of understanding. She’s also a talented actress who has performed in Penguin Project productions of Annie, Jr., High School Musical, Jr. and Frozen, Jr.  

Most of all, I’m proud of both of our children because they have kind and compassionate hearts.” 

Social and Emotional Development  

A key part of growth for every child is social and emotional development. Unique for Deaf children with considerations of shared languages access, Rebecca shares how she and her husband approached this topic for their children, “Helping any child navigate friendships and social interactions can be challenging. When do we step back and when do we get involved? With Deaf children, we have the added complication of access and communication. How do we make sure our children have full access to all of the extracurricular activities, sports, and parties that they want? When are interpreters helpful and when do our kids want freedom and privacy? We tried to give our children lots of opportunities to make friends — both Deaf and hearing — through early play dates, recreational sports, church, Deaf clubs, after school clubs, and more.” When asked to expand on these opportunities Rebecca shared, “We are grateful for Deaf clubs, like Deaf Kids Bible Club, Iowa Baseball Camp for the Deaf, and Des Moines Public Schools Deaf Club — these groups ensured our children could form friendships with peers with shared experiences. Penguin Project welcomed our daughter as a Deaf actress. FIRST Tech Challenge helped Joshua develop his passion for STEM and robotics, and art club and Deaf art club gave Elizabeth a place to shape and share her amazing artistic talent. Groups like our church Deaf ministry and Iowa Hands & Voices helped us connect with other families who had Deaf or hard-of-hearing kids.” 

We asked Rebecca to share her view of her children’s experience beyond just social development. She shared, “Our Deaf children also happen to be adopted and were both born in China. It has always been important to us that they have access to explore each of those communities — Deaf communities, Asian communities, and adoptive communities — but how they embrace each element of their identity is entirely up to them. I’ve been grateful for adult friendships within the Deaf community. Adults within the Deaf community have provided language support and mentorship for me and my husband, role models for our children, and lifelong friendships.” 

Family Dynamics  

A mixed hearing/Deaf family creates ample opportunity for communication growth for all family members. Rebecca shares this experience for her family stating, “In families, everyone shapes each other, so it’s not easy to parse out how Deafness in particular contributes to how children shape our family. Having Deaf children does give us entry into the larger Deaf community and the rich culture and American Sign Language that comes with it. We’re grateful for that! Having Deaf children also means we sometimes act as interpreters (as best we can), and this can definitely pull us out of our comfort zones. I always laugh when my oldest daughter — who’s hearing and very introverted — describes interpreting for her Deaf younger sister, an extrovert who shares details about her life and our family without filter. When the hearing members of our family step into the Deaf world, it’s humbling when we make mistakes or struggle with language. The experience grows our compassion and teaches us not to take ourselves too seriously.” 

When asked how they approach balancing the variety of needs of their children, Rebecca shared, “We have five children, so it’s impossible to give all of our attention to one child. I think the kids were thankful for that — it gave them room to stumble and learn from mistakes, such an important part of growing up. Everyone had to learn to share resources (toys when they were younger, cars when they were older), to share time and attention, and to take turns.” 

Challenges and Triumphs  

Rebecca shared the biggest challenge she faces as a PODC will be a lifelong challenge and is that of moving toward greater and greater ASL fluency. 

When asked to share some of her favorite triumphs as a PODC Rebecca shared,  

1. “Finding myself in an ASL conversation with a child and realizing we are connecting on a deeper level than before.  

2. Learning from my Deaf children how to be a better “listener” by engaging all of my senses more fully and by giving them my undivided attention.  

3. The joy of having a conversation across a crowded room.  

4. Being called “Mom” whether signed or spoken. 

5. I-Love-You hands pressed up against mine or waved out the window as they’re walking or driving away.” 

Resources and Advice  

We asked Rebecca what advice she would share to parents who are new to having Deaf children. “My advice would be to get to know Deaf adults in the community and give growing children access to both Deaf peers and hearing peers. Learn ASL, whether it becomes a primary language or not. It’s a beautiful language, and its batteries never die and its cables never short (as they can in hearing technology). Seek out other parents with Deaf children a few steps ahead of yours — they can be a valuable resource and wonderful cheerleaders!” 

She shared she specifically found her local Area Education Agency and Iowa Hands & Voices (a nonprofit organization that supports families with Deaf and hard-of-hearing children) helpful for her in her journey as a PODC and as a support to her children.  

Rebecca reflected on her perspective shifts while raising Elizabeth and Joshua sharing, “Our daughter Elizabeth had little to no exposure to any language — spoken or signed — until she was almost 10 years old. There was a time I would have believed that language was tied to memory and understanding. Elizabeth showed me that a person can have detailed memories and deep understanding without language. Joshua taught me that music is more than sound and watching him enjoy and make music taught me how to see and feel music.” 

Being a Parent of a Deaf Child (PODC) is a distinctive and transformative journey, often taken on by hearing parents who may have little to no prior experience with Deaf culture or American Sign Language. In a heartfelt reflection shared for Mother’s Day, Rebecca offers insight into this unique role. Her family’s story illustrates the deep commitment required to ensure communication access, advocate for inclusive education, and support the development of both language and identity. From embracing a total communication approach to navigating school options and fostering social-emotional growth through Deaf community connections, Rebecca’s journey is marked by resilience, intentionality, and love. She speaks candidly about the challenges of maintaining ASL fluency, the joy of everyday moments shared in sign, and the invaluable role Deaf adults and community groups have played in her family’s life. Her story highlights the beauty and complexity of raising Deaf children and serves as a powerful testament to the impact of advocacy, accessibility, and unconditional support.  

Sources:  

https://www.nidcd.nih.gov/health/statistics/quick-statistics-hearing#:~:text=More%20than%2090%25%20of%20deaf%20children%20are%20born%20to%20hearing%20parents.